Lesbian 101

IMPORTANT: before starting I want to clarify a couple of things. This article is in no way intended to offend lesbians as a category (I am a lesbian, that would be kind of weird, wouldn’t it?). It’s just meant to highlight some behaviors that I saw within my lesbian community and thought were a little exaggerated.

When you come out of the closet a new world opens in front of you. You are finally free to spread your wings and explore the gay world with no fear, without looking back. Except I did look back. I looked back and I also kept both my feet in the “straight world”. The thing is, I don’t really fit in my local queer community -especially in the lesbian community, actually-. Let me explain why.

Some women think that in order to call yourself a lesbian you have to follow some specific instructions. Probably if they could they would hand you out a membership card after you’ve taken a test, just to make sure you follow their “rules”.

First of all you have to move in packs. All the lesbians I’ve met only have lesbian friends. They might meet up with a couple of gay guys once in a while, but that’s it. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy the company of other queer people, obviously, but that doesn’t mean that the majority of my friends isn’t straight. That’s almost inevitable if you think about it, since 90% of the population is straight. So whenever I’m among other lesbians I feel like the odd one out, because they all know each other and they haven’t had a conversation with someone from outside the community in ages. The only perk that I get out of this is that I get to hook up with whomever I want and then disappear because nobody really knows who I am. Just kidding. Or am I?

The second thing that you have to do -if you want to get your lesbian card laminated of course- is deciding if you want to be a butch or a femme. You have to pick one, otherwise people won’t know what you identify as, and get all confused. Also, if you are a butch you have to date a femme and vice-versa. What if I don’t fit into any of these two categories? Guess what, that’s exactly the case.

Rule number three: be aggressive towards a category. Almost every lesbian I’ve ever met was aggressive towards somebody, and I don’t really mind, but I’ve also heard them complaining about the “mean lesbian” stereotype…they are responsible for it probably more than they know. I’ve noticed that their favorite categories to hate on are men and bisexual girls. I’ll never know why they are so bothered by either of them…I mean, there probably is history there, but just because you’ve met stupid disrespectful men or you’ve had your heart broken by a bisexual girl that doesn’t mean that you have to ged rid of all of them forever. Most of my friends are guys and SnobbishBlond is bisexual. We get along just fine, I can assure you.

Last but not least: it’s all about your sexuality. Have you ever hung out with a group of lesbians? I have, and that’s all they talk about! Don’t get me wrong, I talk about “gay stuff” a lot -take a look at this blog…-, but I have the feeling that they let their sexual orientation define who they are entirely. The worst thing a queer person can do is let their sexuality be the most important thing about themselves -kind of like those tv shows from the 90s, where there was “the gay guy” among a bunch of friends, and that’s all you remember about him-.

In conclusion, I love being surrounded by gay people, and I love being the majority for a change, but I like my group of friends and I wouldn’t trade it to run off with a bunch of self-involved lesbians. I think they should loosen up a bit and stop taking themselves so damn seriously.