Bisexuality is a real thing

Immagine

The most common statement that people -both gay and straight- make about bisexuals is ‘bisexuals are lucky’. It is in fact common belief that bisexuals have a huge variety of potential conquers to choose from. People usually think that being bisexual means having more chances to have sex -and maybe that’s true-, but what they don’t think about is that usually “having sex” is not the number one priority. Even though it can be amazing, it’s not always enough.

The truth is that there are many commonplaces about bisexuality and most of them are hilarious. Let’s see if we can debunk some together:

1. Bisexuals have a wider range of ‘preys’ to choose from

Now, let’s say that that’s in fact true, we still have to consider that bisexuals, like everyone else, have a specific taste and don’t just sleep with everybody because they are bisexual. There are always exceptions to that rule, of course.

2. Gay people think that bisexuals aren’t “gay enough”

Straight people think that bisexuals aren’t “straight enough”

Even though being bisexual is a sexual orientation, people tend to forget it. It’s commonplace to think that bisexuals are “confused” and that, sooner or later, they’ll pick a side and stick to it. Usually bisexuality is defined by others as a “phase” that will eventually wear off and lead to a definitive choice so that the people around you will finally know what box to put you into. As if your sexuality were their business. If they could, they’d shove a Sorting Hat on you head, having it make a decision for you.

3. In order to be a real bisexual, you need to like men and women equally

This is clearly a matter of percentage. Basically, if you want to call yourself bisexual you have to like men at 50% and women at 50%. First of all, I don’t know how many bisexuals have been carefully categorizing every person they’ve been with, maybe even writing them down in a register that lists their height, their shoe size, the color of their eyes and the color of their hair, with a specific reference to their bra size or the size of their penis.

Second of all, I am perplexed by the fact that, according to this theory, if I were to like men a little more than I like women, that would make me straight.

I’m sorry, but if my diet were made up by 60% vegetables, would that make me a vegetarian? What if my favorite food was blue steak?…mhm…

4. Bisexuals are just half-closeted gays

I have to admit this statement is partially true. When someone starts realizing they might be gay, they don’t just wake up one morning, yawn, have breakfast and while brushing their teeth understand, suddenly, that they are gay. It’s a slow process, during which, little by little, you realize whether you belong more to a side or the other. Sometimes being bisexual is used as a “justification” to yourself (something like: ok, I do like boobs but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to get married in a church some day, have a thousand babies and a man who can change the bulbs around the house and nail pictures to the walls). At some point down that road, gay people come to the conclusion that they distinctly prefer a side to the other, while bisexuals are left swimming in the middle.

There are, however, some gays who keep calling themselves bisexuals even after realizing that they’re not (for many different reasons, the most common one of which, is that it is way easier to say that you’re half-straight instead of full on gay). This doesn’t mean that all bisexuals are gay though.

5. Bisexuals are actually straight, they only say it because it’s fashionable

This one is my favorite. There are some people who think that being bisexual is fashionable, like it’s fashionable to wear low cut jeans or yellow nail polish. Basically, a straight person can open their closet and say ‘Let’s see, what am I going to wear today? The blond chick with braids or the Argentinian guy with the perfect abs?’. To those who didn’t grasp the metaphor, this is not how it works.

I still trust human intelligence enough to believe that, if someone decides to have an homosexual experience, they do it because they are at least remotely interested in people of the same sex. Otherwise they are just stupid.

6. Bisexuality doesn’t exist. You are either gay or straight

I hope that what I’ve said up to now is enough to debunk this myth too. If it isn’t, try reading my post again.

There are other billions commonplaces that I could name, but I think I’ve given you a general idea of what I think.

And, in case you were wondering, yes, I am bisexual.

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13 thoughts on “Bisexuality is a real thing

  1. Danielle says:

    You know, this is a great post. I did my senior anthropology thesis on bisexuality as a plausible sexual orientation. Many of my friends and family believe that bisexuals are experiencing a phase and that one day they will realize that they are completely straight or totally homo. Which isn’t always true, as you have stated. But the issue of gay people not considering bisexuals as a part of the community, that one deserves an entire book hahaha. I cannot tell you how many of my gay friends tell me I’m not “gay enough.” And on top of that, I don’t think people understand that no one like any two things equally. Except for maybe the essentials of good weather, good food, and good sleep, those are on an even keel. Sorry for rambling, I loved this post.

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    • SnobbishBlond says:

      I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who thinks bisexuality is an actual sexual orientation…maybe we just need to talk to more people and let them see what we mean. I completely agree on what you said about not being totally accepted by the gay community, which is such a nonsense in my opinion.
      Your thesis seems really interesting by the way.
      Thank you so much for your comment and the compliments!

      Like

  2. fantagenailpolish says:

    So, Im 13, and a girl. I am confused right now, Im not sure if Im bi, gay, or straight. I have a bf, Im positive I like guys, but my best friend is gay, and I think I like her. I have been confused even before I met her, its weird. Like, I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with a girl, or getting married to one. I think a lot of girls are hot. Is this just a phase, or is it because im a teen, and hormones are going crazy?

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    • SnobbishBlond says:

      Unfortunately I can’t give you a definitive and clear answer. I’m not a psychologist and what I know, I know it from experience. What I can tell you is that you are 13 and, according to my own experience, everyone is confused at 13, especially those who are open-minded or those who have a gay best friend. I know you are torturing yourself thinking you might be gay –I used to do it too- but, even though it’s hard, you should just stop thinking about it. Date boys –or girls if you like- and, at the right time, you’ll understand which one is the right path for you. And it won’t be the hormones telling you, it’ll be your heart.

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    • ZACTAK says:

      You have a lifetime to discover what you truly believe yourself to be. I know what you’re feeling is really confusing to you right now, but don’t jump to put a label on yourself. Take your time and explore what you want to explore. If you find yourself another girl, great. If you find yourself a guy, great. Be who you are and don’t let anyone else define that for you. I was quick to label myself and I think that only confused me more. Just be patient and take your time. In time you’ll know what you truly want.

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  3. Mike Martinez says:

    I think this is a great blog. Bisexuals get a bad rap, always have, and for many of the reason you call out here. Sexually is such a fluid and dynamic thing, it baffles me we have been so discriminatory against the whole idea for so long.

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    • SnobbishBlond says:

      I agree, sexuality is fluid, that’s what most people don’t understand. I still hope we can change some people’s minds if we try though…
      Thank you for your comment and for re-blogging!

      Like

  4. kateluthner79 says:

    thanks for the point by point. For fantagenailpolish I think there is also a difference between being very close friends and wanting to share life with someone and being attracted to someone. Men and women meet different needs for people – I could not live with out my girlfriends but I also can’t live with out my husband. I agree with SnobbishBlond that at 13 nothing is clear, everyone is confused, and don’t worry too much. Be kind to everyone and open-minded and you can’t loose.

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  5. ZACTAK says:

    I think you did a good job of giving a clear and concise overview about bisexuality. I believe in the Kinsey scale, which basically says sexuality is not black or white. It’s a fluid scale. I remember when I was coming to terms with my own sexual orientation, I went through a bisexual phase. I eventually learned that I was entirely gay. I don’t think all bi people are going through a phase, but some gay and even straight people do. I think that’s why some gay people think you have to be gay or straight and that bisexualism is only a phase. I actually don’t even consider myself 100% gay. I consider myself a 9 on a scale 1-10 with 10 being absolutely gay. All of us have some bisexuality in us. Many people just don’t want to admit it.

    I think it’s sad that the LGBT community typically turns a cold shoulder to bi people. They belong in our category just as much as anyone else. The B does stand for bisexual.

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    • SnobbishBlond says:

      I’m glad to see that you understood completely what I wanted to convey with my article.
      As you said the LGBT community is not that inclusive of the B for some reason, but I’m glad to see that not everyone’s like that. Probably many people are just afraid to admit that there is a bit of bisexuality in them and they dismiss it as if it didn’t exist.
      Thank you for your comment!

      Like

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