When love makes you uglier

Suede-birkenstocks

A disturbing percentage of people –percentage mostly made up by heterosexuals with zero or very little knowledge of gay culture- believes that lesbians –that all lesbians- possess three characteristics that allow the rest of humanity to point them out in a crowd.

The three characteristics are:

  1. Short hair (which is also grey if the lesbian in question is over forty)
  2. Man clothing (or a sloppy look)
  3. An hardcore passion for sports

Usually these characteristics can all be found simultaneously, but there are a few cases where one –rarely two- is missing. However, if you are a lesbian you must possess at least one of them. Either you love sports, or you have short hair, or you dress like a man, or –simple as that- you’re not a lesbian.

Now, I don’t possess any of these characteristics (although, after all, I’m not a lesbian), but I strongly believe –as I have seen so in my life- that lesbians that don’t love sports, have long hair and wear skirts exist, and they are more than just a handful.

This awareness brought me to ask myself why the straight community tends to put all lesbians in a little box where they all are sporty tomboys.  Well, I’ve found two reasons why.

  1. When you see a girl at the stadium with short hair and boy clothes, the first thought in your mind is that she’s a lesbian. If instead you see a girl shopping at Chanel’s, with high heeled Jimmy Choos, long blond locks and a Prada dress, you think that you want her shoes – and that she might be a lesbian doesn’t even cross your mind.

What I think is that for straight people “lesbians” are only those who they can easily identify as such. The short haired girl at the stadium, for instance. And, not knowing any better, they think that being gay women eventually comes all down to chopping off your hair and wearing lumberjack shirts.

  1. After a certain age –or when they’ve been in a serious relationship for a while- lesbians become the biggest fans of slumber parties at the supermarket. Which means that they start walking around in birkenstocks –and if it’s cold, why not, they match them with a pair of thick socks-, they stop going to the hairdresser’s –who, out of desperation (because she needs to color ten inches of dark roots since she hasn’t seen her client in the past ten months), proposes a shaved haircut-, and they go out in a tracksuit.

I have nothing against shaving your hair –I might have something against birkenstocks and tracksuits- but I really can’t wrap my head around the fact that a woman who used to love shopping, getting her hair done and wearing décolleté shoes might suddenly convert to birkenstockenism. Fair enough, going out with the same clothes that you wore in bed saves you a lot of time, but I keep thinking that changing before going to the supermarket is a grand idea.

I think this happens because the fact that the other person in the relationship is a woman and women, as opposed to men, are never mean when it comes to appearance –or better, they are, but not when it comes to their partner-. But, you know, all those “You look beautiful, even with that mustache” and “You don’t need to brush you hair, I really dig this Paleolithic style that you have going on”, aren’t helping your lady at all.

I’m obviously not saying that all lesbians should wear skirts, high heels and long extensions –damn it, I am the biggest fan of girls in a jacket and sneakers!- but I am talking to all those women who think that, after passing a certain age or when you are in a relationship, what you look like doesn’t matter anymore.

Girls, that’s all bullshit.

And that’s not because we need to prove to that overwhelming number of straight people that there are lesbians out there who love fashion and hate sports, but simply because we owe it –to ourselves, which is just as important as anyone else- to be pretty –masculine or feminine, doesn’t matter.

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