What to do when your best friend is a lesbian (and she’s in love with you)


The lesbian in love with her best friend: a classic. The poor girl realizes that what she feels for her gaming buddy is anything but platonic or innocent and that she’d rather help her out of her panties than help her out with her latest Dragon Age quest.

We all feel for her: poor girl, she won’t have it easy, having to choose between forcing herself into trying to believe that she’s not actually attracted to her friend, risking neurosis and surges of anger – and only avoiding them by secretly masturbating in her bedroom, torn between the desire of imagining her friend naked and the feeling of guilt that dawns upon her after having done it – and confessing her feelings while possibly ruining the friendship. Who wouldn’t think: oh, poor thing, she’s so unlucky! What a terrible thing!

Who’s thinking about the friend though?

Really, she has quite a big problem too, a problem that no one is ever thinking about because, hey, this is the LGBT community, so we automatically tend to identify with other members of the LGBT community that are going through a situation that is familiar to us (kind of like when that asshole referee agrees with the opposing team: who cares if they were actually right, he’s still an asshole).

Girls who are suffering because your best friend is in love with you, you have my support. I know perfectly well how you’re feeling. Your buddy, the one you’ve shared your deepest secrets about little crushes and lack of pubic hair with, the one you’ve compared your breast size to, the one who has always given you unbiased (in retrospective probably not that unbiased) dating advice, drops a bomb on you overnight: “Hey, yeah, sure let’s get hamburgers while we marathon The Lord of the Rings. Oh, by the way, I’m gay and I’m in love with you. But I don’t want this to change anything between us!”.

If your first thought has been “Not changing anything my ass!” and the second “Oh my god, does this mean that that time she inadvertently brushed up against my boob wasn’t actually an accident?”, and the third “She saw me naked! She saw me naked! She saw me naked!”, don’t you worry, it’s normal.

Freaking out is normal. Thinking nothing will ever be the same is normal because, right now, it actually isn’t.

Don’t feel bad if you’re hyperventilating or if you’ve spent the whole previous evening decanting your eternal love for someone else: it’s not your fault if your friend is in love with you and it’s not your fault if she has only now decided to disclose that information.

If you’re going to ask her to give you a little space, you won’t be acting like an asshole. On the contrary, you have every right to get a little time to think, assimilate the news and decide what you want to do.

What you need to keep in mind though, is that the person who has come out to you, the one who’s in love with you, is still your best friend, the same person you’ve been shooting at zombies or trying on lipsticks with. Under those aspects, nothing has changed: you can keep doing all the fun things you used to do before.

Secondly, you have to figure out how you feel.

If you’re straight, no problem: you’re not into her and never will be. Did you get that? I said NEVER, so don’t lead her on, don’t mislead her into thinking that some day she may perhaps possibly have you. Because that’s not going to happen: if you’re exclusively into the salami, say it right away and upfront, don’t tiptoe around it and don’t use euphemisms. That’s the only way to let your friend get over it and fall in love with someone who will actually be able to love her back.

What I’ve been talking about includes not sleeping with your friend out of curiosity, inviting her to have a threesome with your boyfriend, having her list what she likes about you and why she fell for you. I’ll be blunt: that would be cruel and it would indeed make you an asshole.

If on the other hand you’re gay or bisexual, then take into consideration the possibility of giving her a chance: if up to that moment you have always seen your friend as a friend, that doesn’t mean things can’t take a turn for the better.

In conclusion, be honest. Tell your friend how you feel, even if it may seem insensitive: she needs to hear it (she may not realize it at first but with a little time I’m sure she’ll see how kind it was of you not to play with her feelings). If she actually cares about you and still wants to be your friend, then she’ll make an effort and try to get over the whole deal.

In the meantime, until your friend hasn’t fallen for someone else or simply realized you’re not the one, avoid talking about who you like, your latest steamy adventures and respect her personal space – no slumber parties, mutual shaving, walking hand in hand at the park and dancing butt to butt at the club. It’s going to be weird at first, difficult, even sad, but if you’re able to hold on you will have your friend back, to talk about each other’s conquests and awesome uncomplicated sex with.


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