What to do when your best friend is straight (and you’re in love with her)


I’m gonna be totally honest with you: there is no easy solution to this problem, but most of all, there is no right solution. In my experience, if you fall for your straight best friend – and if you’re gay there’s a good chance of it happening sooner or later, you’d almost say it’s a rite of passage – there are three possible outcomes:

1. Your straight best friend isn’t so “straight” after all. I’ll admit it, this is the least probable instance but, and I can say that out of experience, sometimes it happens. Sometimes you fall hopelessly in love with your best friend and sometimes that friend is gay, or bi, or at least not completely opposed to the idea of having sexy time with the same sex.

Of course even in this instance that doesn’t mean that your friend is going to like you back, but at least there is a chance that they may be into you some day down the line – also, if your “straight” friend realizes that she isn’t straight, well, you might have had something to do with it.

Don’t kid yourself, this doesn’t happen all the time. As I said before, falling for the best friend is sort of a gay rite of passage, and since it happens to pretty much everyone, you can do the math and figure out by yourselves that the chances of it happening are pretty slim. Still, it’s worth a shot.

2. You tell your friend how you feel and she tells you she doesn’t feel the same way. Here we are, the big disappointment. Unrequited love is one of the saddest things we can experience (and don’t give me that whole “first world problems” crap, how you feel is important, too), and unfortunately there isn’t much you can do about it.

If your friend is being a jerk about it, if she doesn’t want to see you anymore or she turns her back on you, then it’s gonna be easier to let her go: after the initial big disappointment you’re gonna be able to move on with your life and look for better and gayer people to go out with.

On the other hand, if your friend is understanding but just doesn’t feel the same way about you, you’re going to have to decide if you want to save the friendship. Since it’s your best friend we’re talking about, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that yes, you do want to save it.

Well, when your best friend rejects you, being angry at her is very easy, but you have to remember that, just like you can’t help how you feel about her, she can’t make herself love you either. You’re just going to have to power through the first period of heartache and possibly awkwardness and give it some time. Unfortunately that’s the only thing that can actually mend a broken heart.

3. You’re in love with your best friend but you haven’t told her yet. Unless you’re 100% sure that your friend isn’t going to reciprocate your feelings – and when I say 100% I mean it, life may surprise you at times -, I’m saying go for it. If you’ve read the whole article (and I’m really hoping you have, it’s not that long for crying out loud), you’re gonna be thinking “Why should I go for it when all you’ve been telling me is that there is a very, very small chance that my straight best friend is going to love me back?”. Good point, but to that I have to say that you should still give it a chance. Because when it does work out, it is so worth it, it just is.

Also, if it doesn’t work out, coming clean about your feelings is going to help you get over them, for better or for worse. Time is what’s gonna do the trick, and remember that everything will pass.


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